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"I've been waiting my entire life to tell you that I'm dying and I figured I'd finally get it over with.
So here I am, carving forgive me
into my teeth, so every time that I speak
I can still say that I'm sorry.
More years have passed in the last than I care to remember
but I could never forget:
In eighth grade my chorus teacher always told me,
'Michael, you'll never be good enough.'
and it always excited me. It reminded me of my mother.
On the last day of school she smiled,
her teeth jagged like a train wreck,
she didn't say a word,
but I knew exactly what she meant.
In high school I fell in love with a roadside bomb waiting to be detonated by a passing glance.
Every time she blew up,
she'd pick the pieces of herself off of bathroom floors
mixed with the medicine she never needed. She had
The Disappointment.
One day she caught me staring, smiled, walked over, and hugged me...
she smelled like a lonely night.
As she pulled away she looked me dead in the eyes and said,
'Don't worry about me boy. I don't hate my life, I just fell in love with stormy weather
and when my head clears up I put it back into the fog where it belongs.'
We made love to each others' broken promises
and I sang her to sleep when she got tired of chasing everything else."

At that point Michael turned to me and asked if it was all a dream
as if saying yes would make it any less real.
I nodded.
At that point he turned away, tied his arm up, and shot the blues directly into his veins.
He sang me to sleep that night. When I woke up
I looked over a section that he hadn't said aloud. It read:


I didn't address this to anyone because it was meant for everyone
and no one at all.
There is a time when it is neither day or night
It just is.
As we are. Forever. Everything
and nothing at all


Today, I believe him.
Yesterday I didn't
and tomorrow I probably won't either
but what I do know is that somewhere,
between Heaven and a hard place,
Michael is singing
and god is wishing he had a voice like that.
You find a recording of this poem on the album "Unlearning to Live a Little," a spoken word album I recently recorded:
[link]
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2013-01-03
The suggester says: it captures everything in the most beautiful and bone chilling way: definitions of reality, the devastation of growing up, self-inadequacies, and a sad glimpse of what sleep can really mean. Lullaby is by *ImMattyVYo deviant also suggested by *0hgravity ( Suggested by intricately-ordinary and Featured by Nichrysalis )
:iconmothquake:
Wow. I am stunned, to say the least. This is so moving, and beautiful. It is very well written, and I love how subtle things are.
    "...when my head clears up I put it back into the fog where it belongs."

This part is particularly wonderful. I love how it describes that the person speaking uses drugs, to put the fog "where it belongs."

The poem itself is very well written, and there is a display of good diction.

I have nothing bad to say about this, really. Again, I am stunned by this. You're a wonderful writer, you should continue writing.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
50 out of 55 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconmangasockattack:
First off, a MAJOR congrats on the DD! This is really beautiful~

Next, to address your questions:

The piece does NOT come off as "too much". As a matter of fact, I think you had a great balance here of poetry and reality along with drama and a sort-of coolness.

Yes, the diction does benefit the piece. It helps it feel more poetic and it also helps the flow.

The piece is too long and a little overwritten. I think the piece could be read this way, but I also think that just the stuff Micheal said in the beginning would be great on its own. The last bit was a little confusing too, the "today-tomorrow-yesterday" part.

It is a little difficult to follow who is speaking. The first time I read it, I didn't know who Micheal was when he finished speaking and I was startled at his name until I looked back up and saw what the teacher had said. If you could mention Micheal's name one more time (in the beginning), maybe when she is speaking, it would help a lot.

Punctuation. Commas can be overused in some poems, but your opening text really needed some.

Vision: 4 and a half stars.
Reason: I think you had a very clear idea of where you wanted to go with this and it shows.

Originality: 5 stars.
Reason: It was very original in the way that it was presented and written.

Technique: 4 and a half stars.
Reason: While I thought your technique was very good, I see room for improvement.

Impact: 4 and a half stars.
Reason: The opening text was so emotional and beautiful, but everything else didn't really give me that feeling.

Favorite line:

So here I am, carving forgive me
into my teeth, so every time that I speak
I can still say that I'm sorry.

Again, congrats on the DD!

XOXO,
MSA


Hosting a HUGE contest, 1,000 point grand prize, 5 points for entering!
[link]
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
9 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconlollipop2618:
lollipop2618 Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I have no words
Reply
:iconthemaideninblack:
TheMaidenInBlack Featured By Owner May 18, 2014
:giggle: I was going through your gallery, I read this and thought to myself WOW, I'll suggest this as a Daily Deviation. Glad someone beat me to it!
Reply
:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner May 18, 2014  Professional Writer
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconthemaideninblack:
TheMaidenInBlack Featured By Owner May 19, 2014
(: you're very welcome. It was an amazing work, your imagery is so unique. Love. :heart:
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013
Looking through the comments, there is very little I can say that hasnt already been said. Fantastic work.
Reply
:iconnekonekogirl997:
NekoNekoGirl997 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This... I'm crying. You've struck a cord I didn't know I had anymore.
Reply
:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you so much. Go check out the album this is on!It's streaming and only costs 5 bucks <3

[link]
Reply
:iconphotophobee:
PhotoPhobee Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I don't even know what to say............I'm so awed!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your wonderful work has been featured in my journal: [link] :heart:
Reply
:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you :D!
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013
I just fell in love with stormy weather
and when my head clears up I put it back into the fog where it belongs.


:heart:
Reply
:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you. I'm so proud of that part. Glad so many people like it.
Reply
:iconaerialisticheart:
aerialisticheart Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
I think I just died a little that was so good :S Thank you for giving me the privilege of reading that :D
Reply
:icontheantianti-drug:
TheAntiAnti-Drug Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
There are some beautiful sparks of insight in this piece, little things that resonate with me emotional and make me think of places I've been, people I've known.

It's intense, but to me it's not too much.
Reply
:iconkrutch99:
krutch99 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i love this.
Reply
:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Professional Writer
Why thank you!
Reply
:iconkrutch99:
krutch99 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thanks for sharing, cheers
Reply
:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013
This is amazing. the imagery is wonderful, the emotion real.

Favorite lines
"'Don't worry about me boy. I don't hate my life, I just fell in love with stormy weather
and when my head clears up I put it back into the fog where it belongs.'"

This especially resonates with me.. I think sometimes, we all fall in love with stormy weather.. again simply amazing.
Reply
:iconchristinafeonora:
ChristinaFeonora Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Student
This is nice, I like it. It's quite... mmm. I don't have the word right now. I like this though, it strikes a chord with me, something most poetry doesn't do.
Reply
:iconkiki20012:
Kiki20012 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013
I don't think its to much and i have to say wow i liked it
Reply
:iconopensecrett:
opensecrett Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist
Normally i don't look at any of the writings on deviant art,
but,

the little preview of this one caught my eye
and i have to say that i liked it a lot

(:
Reply
:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank youuu!
Reply
:icontrinitite:
Trinitite Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Student General Artist
Wonderful.
Reply
:iconsapphirestarangel:
SapphireStarAngel Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013
I...I cant stop crying... so sad. TT^TT
This is beautifully written.
Reply
:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconliesarentthatpretty:
LiesArentThatPretty Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
My mind and heart can't note down the countless reasons they love this, I love it so much if love was water it'd fill the oceans! Your a great writer!
Reply
:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Professional Writer
You are far too kind :)
Reply
:iconliesarentthatpretty:
LiesArentThatPretty Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
=3 im not, it's really good so why not say so.
Reply
:iconrhiannfleming:
Rhiannfleming Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013
That is amazing!
Reply
:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Student Writer
That was beautiful. I think I loved these lines most of all:

'Don't worry about me boy. I don't hate my life, I just fell in love with stormy weather
and when my head clears up I put it back into the fog where it belongs.'


You're incredibly talented. I know what I'll be re-reading when I need a boost in inspiration from now on! :heart:
Reply
:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you for the kind words. I hope my other pieces can inspire you just as much!
Reply
:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Writer
I don't doubt that they will. :D
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Student General Artist
Well, I love it.
Reply
:icongwenneareble:
GwenneAreble Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes, it is hard for me to follow who is speaking, yet you still sucked me in with your words. As I felt drawn to read the whole thing. Who exactly is speaking though?
Reply
:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Professional Writer
Speaker changes by stanza:

1) Michael
2) Narrator
3) Michael
4) Narrator
Reply
:icongwenneareble:
GwenneAreble Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, okay, thanks. I can see that more clearly now as I read it a second time.
Reply
:iconbasslineibanez:
basslineibanez Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013
flawless victory!
Reply
:iconraccoonninja:
RaccoonNinja Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
this is beautiful
Reply
:iconsisole:
Sisole Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
This is amazing, I can't even seem to describe it.
Good work! ♥
Reply
:iconfeathersofflame:
FeathersOfFlame Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Mind blown by the awesomeness...
Reply
:icondewychewy:
DewyChewy Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013
your diction and style is so elegant and beautiful. but to say the truth, i have no idea what this poem is talking about. it's probably because i'm only sixteen and i dont know a lot.
Reply
:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I can find no words to express my adoration of this piece... where do I even begin? This literature piece captured me, enveloped me within this world of beautiful imagery and metaphors; when it was done, I was quite dazed at having exited that beautiful world. I felt awe, admiration... I felt emotions I could not even begin to describe, for I thought your piece a masterpiece, even if some thought it not as "polished" as it could be. It was raw, it was powerful, and it was real: everything related—corresponded—together to create a symphony of one emotional story, in which it told the possibilities of life and sleep.
I must say bravo. It has always been my dream to one day write in a way such as this, and though I may be (at the moment) far from my goal, this has reminded me that what writers create is art. It has reminded me that every word can pack a powerful punch, driving home messages like nails in the woodwork. Thank you for reaffirming my dreams and for reminding me just what the written word can do.
Reply
:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Professional Writer
Holy shit. I wish I could be more elegant but that's all I can say when reading this comment. Your kind words hit me in the best way possible.
Reply
:iconmadeofsunshine:
MadeOfSunshine Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Student Writer
Wow. I'm just sorry I only discovered this now.
Amazing piece! I am so moved :heart: You've captured an essence of something so poignant it verges on both devastating and hopeful.
And although your grammar is exceptional, to me a poem is often best achieved through the feeling it inspires. And yours expressed emotion beautifully. Stunning!~
Reply
:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Every time she blew up,
she'd pick the pieces of herself off of bathroom floors
mixed with the medicine she never needed. She had
The Disappointment.
One day she caught me staring, smiled, walked over, and hugged me...
she smelled like a lonely night.
As she pulled away she looked me dead in the eyes and said,
'Don't worry about me boy. I don't hate my life, I just fell in love with stormy weather
and when my head clears up I put it back into the fog where it belongs.'
We made love to each others' broken promises
and I sang her to sleep when she got tired of chasing everything else."
gahh... :heart:

lovely! :heart:
Reply
:iconnekonekogirl997:
NekoNekoGirl997 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
All the questions you asked... No this piece is beautiful in all senses.
Reply
:iconlintu47:
Lintu47 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Congrats on the well deserved DD! :heart:
Have a nice day and Happy New Year! :holly:
Reply
:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you so much. It blows my mind really. This is the first DD i've ever received. It's surreal.
Reply
:iconlintu47:
Lintu47 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Enjoy it :heart:
Reply
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