Rest

This is an interesting piece. It has clear imagery and nice pacing. The flow is pleasant and I enjoyed reading it. The minute punctuation adds to the overall rhythm of the piece and gives certain breaks definition. To answer a few of your questions that I haven't already answered: The season feels of autumn. I would guess the theme would be savoring a moment. The line breaks work for me, I even like the momentarily out by itself - it allows the reader a brief pause. I enjoy typography in all its forms and the minor use of it here is nice. I will break down the piece a bit.

your worn coat smelled of sleep
and your eyes floated like
dead leaves in a still pond

To touch again on the imagery, this is beautiful. It gives the reader clear vision of the subject and activates more than one sense. Well done. The detail allows the reader to know that the subject is important and focusing on the eyes allows the reader to know the subject means something to the writer.

I checked the clock but
the minute hand stopped momentarily
to catch its breath.

I already said it, but it bears repeating, singling out the word "momentarily" gives the reader pause and puts more emphasis on the word. This allows us to think about what is going on and yet does not break up the flow of the piece. Usage of the minute hand instead of the second hand is something that allows the reader's mind to realize that this is not as fleeting as it could be. Then the addition of the punctuation brings in the stoppage of the mind once again and yet is not too halting.

the field of dry grass stood still
but a brisk wind kissed our necks
and your lips touched the cartilage
at the edge of my ear

Here, like at the beginning of the piece you chose to forgo capitalization. I like this choice. It adds a softness to the piece and brings the theme more into play. The addition of a fourth line after the previous punctuation is interesting and changes the flow a bit, but in a welcomed way. The imagery once again is breath taking. Simple yet poignant. This, and the mention of the coat in the fist stanza, give a vision of autumn.

we huddled like branches
and settled into the dirt.

Not much to say that hasn't already been said. Ending with a period puts the finish on the piece that is needed. Dirt can be final and mean many things, sending many images into one's mind, but because of the clear direction of the piece the reader pictures two bodies heaped together on a bare patch waiting for the world to notice them.

Wonderful job with this piece.